What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

When does a man tell a woman he has feelings for her?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What do you mean son?

Do you know what she said mum?

My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?

What! how could you do that?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

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So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

True - how I loved my mum!

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

How do I build rapport with anybody?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.